I'm back. My house's full of people now. Lol.. My aunties and cousins all here. Man, I miss that lovable granny.. She held my hand just now.. Ahhh.. She's so cute lor.. Hope she'll get well soon.. (:

Caught in between.
Just tell me what to do.
Cos it's tearing me apart.
YAY! My mum can be discharged! Off to pick her now. Lalalalalalalalala~

Hmmmm. Damn it.. My life is like upside down. Lol. I sleep in the day and wake up in the evening. I slept at like 7 this morning.. And just woke up. What's wrong with me?? I don't know. Rharr. Hmmm.. Going to SGH as usual. Bored. Bored. Bored.

How can I get through this night.
Bah. I'm gonna watch full house now. Damn it, it's only 2320.

I missed it!!!!! And I'm feeling fucking pissed now. =\ Rharr. Anyway, there's this exceptionally cute granny whose bed is beside my mum. She's so cute can.. A lovable granny! Hehe.. A bit senile already.. But she talk very cute.. Make everyone laugh.. Hahahahaha.. So cute leh.. Hmmm.. Hope she gets well soon.. Walked home in the fucking heavy rain just now. Ahhh. I wish I could drown in it. Still feeling pissed. Aaargh. Dumb, stupid me.

"I'll die with you"
Sweet as it seems
It'll never be true
Living in a world of lies
It's hard to tell
What's the truth anymore
Yet I chose to trust the lies
Cos I don't wanna believe the truth
That everything
Is just a dream
That's gonna end
One day
Let me die alone

Man, I think I have a bad case of insomia. I lie on my bed, toss and turn, listen to all the songs I have in my phone, play bubble puzzle, play tennis and STILL can't get to sleep. Rharr.

Back. Hmmm. Oh ya, I saw another cute vending machine today.. Lol. It sells instant noodles!! LOL. So funny lor.. What's with all the vending machine nowadays. Haha.. But I still like my toasted sandwich machine. (: Aiyah. Boring lah. =\

Living in denial.
Cos I refuse to be awake.
Yes, I'm still living in this fairytale.
Silly me.
Hmmm. As usual, SGH, here I come. Ahh. Talked to Vic already.. (:

Vic: Hey girl, I'm worried bout you.. Well, you're online now but I'm not sure if its the real you and I ain't gonna risk it. Anytime you see this, gimme a call alright. Heard a lil from Jo today.. I don't know what happened. Read your blog and it got me more worried. Take care of yourself alright. Gimme a call!

I find myself waiting.
And in return, gain nothing.
But hurt and despair.
False hopes raised high.
And came crashing down.
You've just taken my soul.
Yes, just leave me here alone.
A souless person, good as dead.
A dementor's kiss I've just received.
Let me die now.
I'll rest in peace.

Back from SGH. Ate tomyam at the foodcourt there for dinner just now.. Bloody hell, it's freaking hot!!!!!!!!!! Hahahaha.. Was like tearing.. Lol. Hmmm.. Another day passed. Wow.
You've hurt me through and through.

This song make me wanna cry.. ): So nice right.. Heh.

You melted the frozen heart.
And pushed the knife right through.
The endless pain growing numb.
Once again.
Chest pains are rather.. irritating!!! I can't breathe without getting that bloody sharp pain. Rharr. Lend me a car can???? (:

Whoa. Within a day, my life is like... Whoa. OMG. Oh whatever. Watched Sky High yesterday.. Nice show.. Haha.. But quite lame lah.. I think Warren Peace is so hot!!! Hahahahaha.. Then.. I didn't feel like sleeping so I played the 93.3 Ying Yue Ri Ji.. The first story was the one about the leaf, tree and wind.. Though it's like commonly heard, I still find it damn touching can.. Haha.. Yeah.. Right now, I'm forcing myself to eat chicken rice.. I ain't hungry. Eeargh. My heart aches. Literally. Ouch. What does it mean ah.. That I'm going to die soon? Haa.. I'll probably die of an heart attack soon.. Lol.
Kill me.

Oh ya, my sis is gonna play that inverse bungee jump thing for only $18(usual price:$35)!!!!!!!! I'm sooooo jealous. Hmph. I need some adrenaline rush. RHARR.

Back. From that wretched hospital. Bleahs. Spent my whole day there. Hmmm.. SGH service was much much better than TTSH. Hahahhaha.. Kinda influenced by my sis.. Talking bout hospitals and all.. Aiyah.. Her IMH the best lah.. =P Wakakakaakka.
I am afraid..
Left me hanging.

Looks like I'll be heading to SGH later. I fucking hate hospitals! Well, who likes them? Aargh.
Don't raise my hopes up high, just to leave me crushed.

Damn, my relatives are like on the way to Penang now. Sighs. I would have been there.. But my mum's sick. A break would be good. I wanna get outta Singapore! Boring holidays. I need a break! Rharr.
Don't lead me on.

Hmmmm. Holidays are boring.
I'm having my doubts.

I went to TTSH yesterday night. Stayed there until 2+ am. Bloody hell, their service was SLOW. God, me and my sis and mum almost died waiting. Haha.. We got so bored we started playing some chinese word game.. And for once, I actually love my sis. Heh. (: Anyway, there was this sandwich vending machine.. It was so cool! Hahahaha.. I've never seen it before.. Man, by the time we reach home it was already 3 plus. Yup. I'm so in love with hei se mao yi. (: Anyway, when are we gonna have a jas*thm outing?

I'm not trying to be the good girl or whatsoever. I'm just quite plainly, sick and tired, of all this.

Man, I don't know what I'm blogging for again. Boredom. Just thinking bout all the things happening lately. Whoa, I don't know how it all started. I think I need a Pensieve. Cos there're just so much things on my mind. Blahs. I wish everything would end. Everything. This is one bitching that I do not like. I'm getting tired of it. Never-ending comments for each other. Someone would have to stop and that would be me.
Call me whatever you want - I'm fine with it.

God, I feel like laughing my ass off. Whatever, this whole thing tickles me much more than it angers me. Haha. Haha. Haha. Goodness.
J-O-K-E.

Sighs. Boring day. Have been looking after my mum. Kinda worried. Oh well.
I've gotta wake up soon.

As dusk approaches.
The growing weakness in faith.
Don't let the tears fall.
It ain't your fault.

Finally. I played pool. (: Went to find Ziya today.. Saw my colleagues. (:
Let me know, I'll let go.

I LOVE MY LIFE NOW. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
Aargh. I can't fucking stand it.

Well, I feel an uncontrollable surge of anger. *ROLLS EYES* All the initial feelings vanished. Look who's talking. Fuck. Off. And. Leave. Me. Alone. How bout that? I'm feeling fucking fucked up. I have so much to say but whatever that's in my mind's gonna put me into a whole load of trouble so I would rather shut up. FUCK.
Fuck you back. Pathetic? Look who's the one. Acting emo and all. Ha.

Anybody willing to lend me a car?
I'll just need it for a day.

First, I'll get into the car.
Then take loads of sleeping pills or flu medicine which will make people drowsy.
Lock all the doors.
Turn on the air-con.
Fall asleep.
And never wake up.

Don't worry, I won't haunt the car owner after that.
(:
Who's gamed?

The haunts of the past.
The happy, sad memories.
It's dragging me down.
It's crushing my life.
FUCKED.

Catched Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire yesterday. I think the show's kinda disappointing. Rharr. Anyway, went with an exceptionally large group of people. Haha.. Hmmm.
Let's just.. stop this.

Happy birthday Eugene! (: Went for band today.. Mr Sim's sick. =\ But he still came.. So nice of him. Hmmmm. Damn it, I wanna pierce my ear.
Sighs. It's not getting better, is it?

Sighs. One moment I feel like giving up on everything. The next, I don't. God, tell me what to do. Tell me what to do to get out of this mess.
Boy, tell me what to do..

Hmmm. Went to Bedok just now. My grandaunt's house. Boring day. Boring. Bored to tears. Sighs. Fucked.
I miss you. But then again, I shouldn't.

How can it ever be a happy ending? I ruined one. No amount of explanation. Nothing.. can ever make it right. I have sinned badly. I really wish I can not care. But I can't. Silly of me I know. I'm sorry.

Back from camp. Slept for like a few minutes only.. But slept 16 hours ever since I came home.. Haha.. I know I'm a pig. Mr Sim's game made me realise how strong the bond in band is. I'm proud to be in KCB. (: Hmmmm. I'm bored. Hope I'll be out later. Damn, everyone's not in Singapore. :( Oh well.
The wildest night. I wanna get high.

Going for band camp tomorrow. Yup. Kinda looking forward to it. Hope the practices wouldn't be boring. Cya all till Friday!
Rascal.. Assure me nothing's wrong. I'm getting paranoid.

My life's fucked up. I've realized how brittle friendships can be. Or maybe there wasn't even one to start with.
I'm partly to blame. You know it.

I guess nothing I say can change the way you people feel about me. I'm sorry things turned out this way.

Tired. Sighs. So much things to say, yet I can't get it outta me. Crushed.
How now, boy?

Went to the airport to send Val and Mel off. Poor Hammie.. Couldn't go.. Went with Ian, Ziya and Keefe. Ate dinner there then went back. Kinda boring. Sighs.
I should learn to take it easy. And not think too much. Right?

I think I'm dumb. I didn't know there was band today. I vaguely remembered that the next time I had to go school after my work attachment was tomorrow for Maths remedial lesson. I think my mind played a trick on me. Anyway, band people, sorry for not going ya.. It was really unintentional. I swear. I think Vic's coming back soon! Haha.. Yippie. And I think I'm looking forward for the band camp. Heh.
Why do you like to ask questions that I can't answer? I miss you boy.

New skin. Taken from my favourite blogskin creator. Haha.. Her skins are like superb. Sort of taking a break from making my own blogskins. Actually, I'm just plain lazy. Haha. Dang. So late and I'm still feeling awake. My whole house's dark. LOL.
I keep reminding myself, it may never be. So that I won't be so hurt in the end.

I'm bored. Val and Mel are flying off tomorrow. Dang. Maybe gonna send them off. When's Vic coming back...? Sighs. Band camp's on thurs. Praying that it'll be fun. Oh well. Even if it's not, as least I'll have Vic. And I can talk to her non stop. Hah. Oh well. I guess that's about it.
As I stop to think, boy, just how do you feel about this?

Oh. Forgot to blogged about something pissing. I'm fucking pissed cos SOME TEACHER called my mum and told her I didn't go for the councilor's camp yesterday. And asked my mum if she knew cos she was afraid that I play truant. Wtf?!?!?! I told her I had job attachment right. Maybe I didn't tell her I'll be working on Sat, but hello, I told Ms Amy. Trying to tell me that teachers don't talk to each other? Teachers don't share news? Shut the fuck up. Fucking pissed can. Anyway I planned to call her or msg her after my work which ends at like 4 or 5. Even if I go for the camp also must after work right. Also must go home bathe and pack those shits to bring right. Fine lah. Lunch time only call my mum. Lucky my mum was the one who told me not to go for the camp. I paid $15 already. But who cares. I don't wanna be a councilor. Sack me. Sack me for all I care. Sack me for not going to this bloody camp. Sack lah! It's gonna be fucking boring anyway. If she called like 6 plus, 7 plus then I won't be so pissed. Cos it's my fault for not informing her. But so freaking early call already.. Very free ah. It was a BAD idea to merge student councilors and PSLs lor. How about both hates each other? The camp is so like a PSL camp. WOW. So orginal. I use to think that she was nice. I could even forgive the EXTREME biasness. But fuck, after this, go to hell. Anyway, I REFUSE to buy black shoes next year. I hope you all sack me! I'm not worthy anyway. You people treat student councilors like some kind of robots. No this, no that, cannot do this, cannot do that. Fuck it. Sack me. I'll be praying so fucking hard.
VIC! I NEED YOU.
There are so much restrictions. Boy, I'm living with that. I miss you.

Last day of work. :( Man.. I'll miss so many people.. Joreen, Khairi, John, Denise, Dewi..... And of course Auntie See See. =\ Heh. Oh well. It was a fun last day. And a busy one too. Work till 7 instead of 4. Hmm.. at least I'll be going back to return the uniform.. Haha.. Tomorrow.. I'm gonna sleep the whole day. And I really mean the whole day! My eye bags are disgustingly atrocious. Haha. Yup.. That's bout it. Tired.
Yes boy, I wanna hug you forever and never let go... But I can't.

IM TIRED! FREAKING TIRED. I hate standing. Hmph. Oh, I tired scooping ice cream already! Damn tiring!!! Arms can break man.. LOL. Hmmmm. I hate the other guy from school who works with Maliwi and me. Irritating like hell. Bloody shit. =\ Hmmmmm. About that. I think I'm gonna sleep after this. Yawns.
You know I've fallen for you. Let it be like that always, I'll be contented. Contented not to ruin anything.

1st day of work. TIRED!!!!!!! I stood the whole day!!!!!!! =\ So tiring. But I guess it was an interesting experience. Anyway, I forgot to give a teaspoon to a customer. [ A table for 4 ] So I was like damn panicky already.. Faster chiong back to take teaspoon and serviette. And being me, I so clumsily dropped the teaspoon in front of the customer. And this guy [ around my age ] sitting in front of that customer started laughing. I was so fucking embarrassed!!!Eeeeeeeeeeeek! Haha.. I guess they sort of figured I was new or something. Oh well. Stuffs happen. =\ After work, had a great time. (: Apart from my poor feet which were aching like hell. Yup.
With you around, I don't wanna fucking care about any other things. I've fallen. And you know it.

I'm feeling the pain. I'm feeling the hurt. God what's wrong with me. With every step, the pain grows stronger. The truth remains. It will never be possible.
When I see the both of you together, that bittersweet hurt. Neverthless, I expected it. Sighs. Fool.

Weddings are so.. happy. LOL. My cousin's getting married today.. Went for the tea ceremony just now and will be heading for the wedding dinner later. Hmm. Done with Digital Fortress. Not as nice as the rest I've read. Yeah. I have broadband! Wahahaha. Oh well. I've nothing else much to say. So long.
Skeptical.

Sighs. The night's long.. When will it ever end. Doubt I'll be sleeping. Digital Fortress has captured my attention. Bad habit of mine, I don't like to put down a book after I picked it up. Dang dang. What's with all my craps huh. I'm bored. Tralalala. I think I'm so full of crap. Sighs.
I'm missing you. It hurts so much to know nothing will ever come out of this.

I've fallen. Real hard.
For a forbidden someone like you.
Time and again, I wish for it to not happen.
I didn't want to ruin anything.
Yet it did.
I'll pretend nothing's wrong.
The feeling that I'm having now.
A sense of loss. And pain.
Everything's so messed up.
Cos I know it'll never be over.
Yet I can't deny.
I'm missing you so much.
I'm such a bitch.
If one day you would want to stop this, I will.
I can't stand it.
But it's so gonna fucking hurt.
RHARR.
You.. Tell me what to do.

Sighs. Everyone's gone. No more pool till next next week. =\ Oh well. Vic's gone. In like one and a half hours' time. Finished Dan Brown's Angels and Demons at 9 am this morning. Sort of stayed up whole night to read. I'm amazed at the wonders of a human mind. All the mind-boggling twists and ironies in the book. I thought Deception Point was hell of a book. Angels and Demons proved me wrong. Can't imagine how it'd be after I read The Da Vinci Code. Quarterway through Digital Fortress now. Soon, it'd be 3 down. Saving the best for the last. Yup. Sighs.
Rascal-sick. It seems like with you I need not fear anything. Misses.

Another thing - I cut my hair on halloween. Uber layered.
Fall, falling, fallen. Just not any deeper, please. I can't take the hurt.

Finally, I'm back. Gonna start that work attachment thing next week. I'm gonna be so damn busy. And there's the camp. Damn the holidays.
Sighs. How do I ever get out of this fucking mess. Tell me what to do. Every step, every decision, seems so utterly wrong. I'm just waiting for each day to pass. Not knowing what's gonna happen next. Not knowing when friends will turn into enemies. Not knowing what a bitch others think I am. I didn't mean for anything to happen. I really didn't. Sighs. Fuck my life, I feel so fucking helpless.
Don't make me fall deeper please. I don't want to.